The latest celebrity to join the iPod revolution: the Pope. Benedict XVI was presented with a 2 gb iPod nano by employees of Vatican Radio in honor of his visit to their headquarters this week. The iPod was engraved "To HIs Holiness, Benedict XVI," and was pre-loaded with samples of the network's programming in English, German, and Italian, as well as a selection of classical compositions by Beethoven, Mozart, Chopin, and others.

Left out of the original report is the fact that Il Papa was also given an iTunes Gift Card to add a few hand-picked selections of his own choosing. (Thank heaven. Trilingual samples of Vatican Radio? No offense, but...yawn. And by the way: only a 2 gigger? Sounds a tad chintzy to us.) The Inquirer has just learned that Benedict will also be getting his own Celebrity Playlist on the homepage of the iTunes Music Store, which will feature the following selections, with accompanying papal commentary:

"Along Comes Mary" The Association: I was teaching theology at the University of Münster when this one came out, and it became the school's unofficial fight song. Still sounds great. Me and some of the Cardinals always do this on Karaoke Night. We've got a real Temptations-style choreography thing to go with it.

"Border Song (Holy Moses)" Aretha Franklin: I still love Elton's original, but Aretha is in a class by herself. Young Gifted and Black might be her best album -- but why does iTunes only have part of it?

"He Is" Ashley Cleveland: She's won a bunch of Grammys in the Rock Gospel category, but not many people have heard of her. That's a shame. This is a great performance of a great song -- and the rest of the album is pretty great, too.

"We've Been Told (Jesus is Coming Soon)" Eric Clapton: An overlooked gem from an overlooked album. Some people say Clapton went back in the studio too soon after 461 Ocean Boulevard, and should have waited to assemble some better material. But I really like this one. (And you know what they say about my official opinion on something...)

"The Sky is Crying" Stevie Ray Vaughan: Seeing Clapton's version in the lineup of There's One In Every Crowd reminded me of this one. (That's the great thing about iTunes: one song leads you to another.) I consider this the quintessential SRV performance, along with "Crossfire" and "Cold Shot." Also, don't miss Family Style, the album Steve made with his brother Jimmie as The Vaughan Brothers.

"This Ain't Living" G Love & Special Sauce: Still sounds fresh over a decade later. I just like this guy's sound. Great for just chillin'.

"Woo Hoo" The 5.6.7.8.'s: I know it's dumb, but I love this song. I first heard it on that Vonage commercial -- where the guy chops down the tree and it falls on his car? I laughed so hard..."

An acquaintance of the Inquirer recently bought a PC at a local electronics "superstore." Included with the purchase was one of those "free computer classes" that Big Box stores often bundle with their hardware sales. The Inquirer has always considered these classes a bunch of smoke and mirrors designed to make the price more palatable. But in this case, the instructor actually offered some tips that could save our friend some serious moolah.

The person teaching the class apparently spent a good bit of time -- completely unprompted -- explaining how to use Limewire to download free music to the customer's new PC. This is a head-scratcher for two reasons:

1. Stealing music is illegal, meaning that the Big Box representative was showing someone how to use one of their products to commit a crime.

2. Big Box also sells CDs, meaning that The Man was showing someone how to stick it to...Himself.

In other words, the tutorial makes about as much business sense as teaching a customer how to sneak the new Coldplay album past the anti-theft thingy at the front door. The Inquirer suggested our friend hip the management to the actions of their employee. We doubt that'll happen. But if you ever wonder why shopping at Big Box-type stores can be such a soul-sucking experience, this is a good example of the quality of thinking going on among their sales associates.

By the way, we're not too worried about our friend being targeted for an RIAA music piracy lawsuit, since thus far they've been completely unable to get Limewire to work on the new machine. And so it goes.

The rumors are true: Microsoft is planning to release no less than six different versions of its coming-eventually Vista operating system. According to a recent accidental leak of the product lineup (an "accident" roughly as convincing as the pics in Liza Minelli and David Guest's wedding album), the Redmond software octopus plans a veritable Skittles rainbow of fruit-flavored inscrutibility. For Mac-based users who may not be familiar with the multi-pronged approach to OS marketing, The Inquirer presents a quick overview of the various Vista versions:

Windows Vista Home Basic: described as providing a simple setup for users who want to surf the web and retrieve email, but want added protection against viruses and spyware. Home Basic will avoid viruses and spyware by being unable to actually connect to the internet.

Windows Vista Home Premium: this one is Home Basic with added functionality, though Microsoft's idea of "functionality" normally consists of convincing people they need to buy additional Microsoft products to make the ones they already own work properly. The "Premium" refers to the fact that it will cost 50 bucks more than Home Basic.

Windows Vista Starter: designed to give users in "emerging technology countries" an affordable easy to learn and use computing experience. If this sounds like a tall order, keep in mind that approximately none of the computers in those countries will meet the minimum system requirements to actually run the OS, so Microsoft will never have to deliver this version at all.

Windows Vista Business: the functionality of Vista Home Premium, but requires a full-time IT staff to maintain. Will be used by all the bad guys on the 2007 season of 24.

Windows Vista Enterprise: operates on Microsoft's new "V'ger" software platform, and comes packaged in a glowing cloud that has eaten entire solar systems and is now on a direct course for Earth. Can be prevented from destroying humanity only by feeding it a member of the IT staff, who will become one with the machine forever. Director's Cut version contains 20 minutes of additional footage.

Windows Vista Ultimate: For those who want the most capable and reliable OS available, with built-in security and state-of-the-art media capabilities. Will consist of a Mac mini and a copy of Mac OS X version 10.6.

When asked exactly when the new Vista versions will be released, a Microsoft spokesperson pretended to have a very important call coming in on another line and said they'd call us back later.