Dec 2009

Midnight singalong flowchart

12/31/09 17:38

New Years Resolution Generator

12/31/09 11:28

Chicago graphic designer Monina Velarde has a cool widget on her site -- an automatic New Years Resolution Generator. Can’t decide on a goal for 2010? Let the widget decide for you! Our personal choice:

resolutiongen

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We've been dissed by Captcha!

12/30/09 23:24

We forgot one of our numerous website passwords yestrday. After one too many tries at the login box, we were punished for our poor recall skills by having to not only remember the correct password, but also prove we were a Real Human Being by copying a two-word phrase into one of those annoying little boxes called a Captcha.

The most memorable part of the incident was the two random words Captcha threw at us. The phrase was so arresting we actually took a quick screenshot to preserve it for future generations:

captcha2

At first, we weren’t sure the second word was what it appeared to be, so we looked it up. Yup -- “coifed” is actually a proper variant spelling of the word “coiffed.” So, apparently Captcha has been peeking thru the webcam and doesn’t care for our hairstyle.

“Manson coifed” joins a growing collection of bizarre Captcha phrases we’ve encountered, including “poison trained,” “mostly Godhood,” and the vaguely inappropriate “Shanghai tween.” We’ve also been served a host of great rock band names like “archers mood,” “Action horde,” “towing vertigo,” and our all time favorite, “strategic jimmies.” That last one is so good we almost wish we’d stuck with those guitar lessons when we were younger.

If you’re in the market for a cool pornstar name or something catchy to call your new Death Metal combo, Captcha may be the Muse you’ve been looking for.

More Captcha oddities here.

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Apple Tablet emits deafening buzz

12/30/09 13:56

Martin Peers of the Wall Street Journal joins the frenzied chorus by weighing in on the still-mythical Apple tablet computer: “Last time there was this much excitement about a tablet, it had some commandments written on it.”

(A good line, though not quite accurate, Biblically speaking. Israel was taken completely by surprise when Moses hosted the original tablet launch back in Exodus 32. )

Cupertino is famously no-comment on unannounced products. But to modify Peers’ analogy, we haven’t seen this much press talk about a new gizmo since just before the official announcement of the iPhone -- and we all remember how that one turned out.

It’s been almost comical to read gossipy reports that an unreleased, unannounced product has been “delayed.” And those like Peers who caution that the price of the tablet is too high -- before either the tablet or its price are actually announced -- are engaging in speculation of the most idle sort. Still, a guy’s gottta fill them column inches somehow.

Our bloated-from-the-holidays gut tells us there’s almost certainly something to all the rumors, though exactly what may come from Apple next month is impossible to know at this point. But that won’t stop the rumor mongers from mongering. (Or us for tsk-tsking them about it.) Enjoy the show, and we’ll see what pops up at Yerba Buena during the last week of January.

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Mac goes gangsta

12/30/09 08:14

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Apple prototype spotted in the wild?

12/27/09 01:06

One of the MacInquirer’s oldest friends in the tech industry lives in Los Gatos, California, just around the corner from Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak. Our friend, who we’ll refer to as Keyser, tells us that the Woz is infamous around the neighborhood for strolling out to the paper box butt-nekkid to pick up his copy of the Weekly-Times. While this may be a disturbing revelation for some, we tend to think the contributions Woz has made to both modern computing and televised celebrity dance-offs have earned him the right to get away with just about anything.

Keyser recently sent us an iPhone snapshot of Woz on his morning stroll. Below is an enlargement of the relevant portion of the photo:

bigfoot1

At first, we thought of this as a mildly amusing bit of tabloid folderol. But when we ran the pic through our trusty copy of Genuine Fractals 6, we got a surprising bonus:

BIGFOOT2

Yes, ladies and germs, we have what appears to be the first verifiable example of the upcoming Apple Tablet outside the Cupertino skunkworks:

BIGFOOT3

Word to the wise to customers waiting in line at the Los Gatos Apple Store this March: don’t feel the need to let Woz cut in line for Tablet #1. He’ll have already had one for weeks.

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Five Most Awesome Christmas Cards

12/24/09 22:44

Five of our favorite “it’s so wrong but it’s so right” Christmas card designs.

1, Never order Christmas cards while doing mushrooms:

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2. From the 1974 TV classic “Sly & The Family Stone’s Zombie Christmas”:

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3. Mathias gets fourth billing on his first Christmas card.

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4. The Christmas that Bob first got the gift of Enzyte:

worldsbestdad

5. Never order Christmas cards while your dog is doing mushrooms:

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But seriously, folks...

12/24/09 22:05

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Obligatory Christmas Parody Time!

12/23/09 21:55

Every Who down in Tech-ville liked Christmas a lot
But the Microsoft Grinch up in Redmond did not
The Grinch was enduring a down Christmas season
A painful recession was part of the reason
But the real hitch that made Micro-Christmas a loser
Was their new OS upgrade -- a bit of a snoozer

The fancy new package was called Windows 7
A quick fix for Vista -- which stank to high heaven
The happy ads tried hard to make it inviting
The truth? Windows 7 was not that exciting
Despite the best efforts of Redmond’s sales elves
The new Windows sat gath’ring dust on the shelves.

The Grinch didn’t like where the market was heading
He said “I must keep Windows 7 a-spreading!”
So he whipped up a Santy Claus hat and a suit
Which gave him the look of an over-ripe fruit
He rode through Tech-ville in a ramshackle sleigh
Shouting “New Windows 7! Come upgrade today!”

But the Tech Whos ignored him...their tongues were a-clucking
“Apple’s the way to keep Christmas from sucking!”
They bought Macs and iPhones and iPods galore
While Zunes went unsold at the Microsoft Store.

The Tech-Whos chose Apple as their new OS
So Ballmer-Claus turned and slunk back to his nest
But he hissed as he slunk: “This ain’t over, my friend...
“Windows 8 coming in Two Thousand Ten!”

Welcome Tech-mas...bring new gear
Macs for tech heads far and near
Apple’s share is rising fast...
For Microsoft is still half-assed.

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@The Movies: Avatar

12/20/09 23:58

The new CGI technology James Cameron created to make his long-awaited and much-hyped followup to “Titanic” may turn out to be a better monument to Cameron’s genius than the actual film itself. “Avatar” plays like a three-hour full-motion Keynote presentation on climate change where the happy ending is Al Gore actually turning into a tree.

We think we liked the plot better the first time, when it was called “Dances With Wolves.” Instead of Kevin Costner going Native American, “Avatar” gives us Sam Worthington becoming a ten-foot warrior Smurf. Though the effects in the 3-D version veer into “Dr. Tongue from SCTV” territory a bit too often, the visuals are undeniably stunning, and interact surprisingly seamlessly with the live action. But that’s where the good news ends.

The four-star feast for the eyes is driven by a surprisingly pedestrian script that hugs every shrub on planet Pandora and telegraphs every major plot development at least ten minutes early. The dialogue is full of ham-fisted howlers apparently intended to evoke parallels to America’s recent exploits abroad-- for example, “When people are sitting on top of something you want, you make them your enemy and take it!” The nod to the “blood for oil” school of political thought couldn’t be more obvious if Giovanni Ribisi had turned to the camera and twirled the corner of a handlebar mustache like some sci-fi Snidely Whiplash. (Speaking of howlers, the alien mineral at the heart of the plot is called -- we kid you not -- “Unobtanium.” After twelve years, this is the best Cameron can come up with?)

The real problem with the movie is that while the cartoons act like real people, the real people act like cartoons. Except for Worthington and his inner circle of high-tech fellow travelers, there’s nary a sympathetic human character to be found here. The bad guys are either heartless corporate tools or heavily armed Halo lookalikes as clueless as they are bloodthirsty. How could the only actual three-dimensional players in the movie end up so...one-dimensional?

If this puppy were a beer commercial, the tagline would be “Looks great -- less filling.”

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Twitter hacked!

12/18/09 12:31

A group calling itself the Iranian Cyber Army has reportedly pulled off a high-level hack attack on Twitter.com. Twitter’s DNS servers were apparently compromised, at least for a few minutes last night. Tweetophiles who visited the site were greeted by this unexpected Fail Whale splash graphic:

Twitterhacked

The bottom of the page displayed the following message, written in some sort of YouTube-comments-section version of English:

U.S.A. Think They Controlling And Managing Internet By Their Access, But THey Don’t, We Control And Manage Internet By Our Power, So Do Not Try To Stimulation Iranian Peoples To….
NOW WHICH COUNTRY IN EMBARGO LIST? IRAN? USA? WE PUSH THEM IN EMBARGO LIST ;) Take Care.

“Take care?” What kind of taunt is that? And a winky emoticon? Really? If the idea was to strike fear in the hearts of infidels, this one appears to be less than a grand slam.

There’s apparently a good bit of pre-existing bad blood between the Iranian Cyber Army and Twitter. The messaging site was a key tool used by dissidents in Iran during their protests of the recent Iranian elections. The US government intervened to make sure protesters had uninterrupted Twitter access to get the word out to the world about the protests. Last night’s attack may be a bit of payback.

Word to the wise: change your Twitter password. And if you use the same password for every site you visit, it might be time to think about changing those logins too.

More on this story as it develops.

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Tablet concept vid revealed

12/17/09 17:19

An intriguing concept video of a proposed tablet magazine interface. Not a complete home run, but it’s intriguing nonetheless. We’re not sure why they hired that McHale guy from “The Soup” to do the demo. (He does a surprisingly convincing Anglo-Deutsche accent, but the beard has got to go.)

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Geexmas Gift: Wrath of Zbornak

12/15/09 22:23

Got someone on your list who’s a fan of classic 80s TV? Here’s a real trip down memory lane: The Golden Girls Dorothy Zbornak Talking Bobblehead:

khambobblehead

Despite its budget price, the figure is an almost perfect likeness of the legendary Bea Arthur, though the digitized quotes strike us as a tad obscure. We couldn’t remember the exact episode where Dorothy says “From hell’s heart, I stab at thee! For hate’s sake, I spit my last breath at thee!” But it certainly does sound like something she would say.

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Geexmas Gift: Metal-Detecting Sandals

12/15/09 21:15

You love the idea of finding buried treasure while strolling along your favorite windswept beach. But carrying a full-size metal detector makes you look less like dashing Captain Jack Sparrow and more like crazy Grandpa Henry. Hammacher Schlemmer to the rescue, with a pair of Metal Detecting Sandals. “Pair” is actually the wrong word, since only the right sandal actually has the built-in copper coil that uses something called “beat frequency oscillation technology.” The ankle-worn 9-volt battery pack actually gives you a third look -- Recently Released Inmate With Electronic Monitoring Bracelet. Which should keep casual curiosity-seekers away so you don’t have to split that trunk-o-dubloons with them.

76779.preview

Fun Fact: “Beat frequency oscillation” is also the title of the upcoming Kraftwerk reunion album.

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Geexmas Gift: USB Eye Warmer

12/14/09 21:00

With a name reminiscent of three random tiles from a fridge-magnet poetry set, the USB Eye Warmer promises to “not only relax your eyes but also comfort your entire body.” A tall order for fifteen bucks. But it’s from usb.brando.com, so you know it’s quality product. Or not. The guy in the photo appears to be sleeping with his head against a plate glass window, so this one must be pretty good.

eyewarmer

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Dotcomic: Geek Like Me

12/13/09 16:13

This weeks Dotcomic originally appeared at Geek Like Me, a quality web destination that’s well worth a click or twelve.

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Keep up the good work, Vincent. Or Vin. But never Vince.

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Move over iPhone -- here comes...Coby?

12/13/09 13:57

Some friends of ours in the media lab at Charlotte Christian School were recently contracted to produce a rollout ad for the upcoming iPhone Killer from the tech wizards at Coby. You’re welcome.

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Geexmas Gifts: The Big Bang Dickey

12/12/09 16:18

Christians call it Christmastime. For our Jewish friends, it’s the season of Chanukkah. The hellbound pagans who walk among us know it as Two Weeks From This Past Friday. Whatever you call it, you’re probably gonna need a gift to give to somebody pretty soon. The MacInquirer proudly presents a collection of affordable gift ideas that your favorite technology aficionado will remember forever.

The Big Bang Dickey
All the fashion, with a quarter of the material.

dickie

CNet-looking product model aside, the dickie is a geek classic -- the perfect way to indulge your inner Howard Wolowitz -- though Howard would probably prefer more of a color selection to compliment his Skittles Rainbow fashion sense.

wolowitz2

The black version worn outside a longsleeve white crewneck creates a look that says “ Hey world -- I’m a member of the Nuke-Worshipping Mutant Cult from ‘Beneath the Planet of the Apes!” And isn’t that what Christmas is all about?

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Dotcomic: It's an Ebook Christmas, Charlie Brown!

12/06/09 10:25

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Taobao rocks!

12/05/09 12:21

Taobao.com, described as China’s biggest auction/shopping website, delivered a rather disappointing sales report for iPhone this week. iLounge says that Taobao has sold a total of...five iPhones. Five. Which is a pretty sad number, considering that the site has a potential audience of a billion people.

MacInquirer’s international researchers say there are probably several reasons for the low number:

- The Chinese iPhone has the wi-fi disabled
- Cheap iPhone knockoffs are more plentiful than chopsticks
- Most Chinese citizens don’t have credit cards
- Chinese PayPal is even nosier than the American version
- The country is stretched a tad thin from buying up massive amounts of American debt
- There’s just so much stuff to choose from!

That last item may be the most pertinent theory. While Taobao’s content is a tad opaque for people who don’t speak Mandarin, the Lorem Ipsum quality of the site allows English-speaking audiences to ignore the marketing copy and focus on the thousands of truly remarkable products being offered. Some of our favorites:

minishovel

The lockable corkscrew/mini-shovel: Appears to require either C or D batteries, so it may have some sort of sexual function as well.

producttrio

1. Santa Elvis Stick-On Sideburns. 2. Self-Powered Pressure Washer. 3. In-Car Magnetic Shelf, perfect for holding a recently-dunked iPhone knockoff and a blinged-out pack of NASCAR cigarettes.

meltyjeans

A Lee Jeans promotion whose point is apparently meaningless to Occidental eyes.

ituneschina

And here’s a rare peek at the splash page for Taobao’s knockoff of the iTunes store. Top seller is “Visitors From The Sui Dynasty,” which appears to be some sort of mashup of “Harold & Kumar,” “Honey I Shrunk the KIds,” “Wall-E,” and a Tyler Perry movie where Medea becomes a Pentecostal minister.

Given such formidable competition, five iPhones starts to look pretty good.

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Tiger's Xmas

12/03/09 22:16

Just got our first greeting card of the season from some old and dear friends. Merry Christmas, you crazy kids...

tigerxmas

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